Is He "The One"?
Seet Yee, you're a Your Man Middle High!
Your Man
less "the one" more "the one"
There's definite potential here — he just might be "the One"! Maybe it's too early to tell if this is really "Mr. Wonderful," but it sounds like you've found someone great. There's no strict definition of love, but there are some things to think about that might help you to discover if this relationship is meant to last. Do your best qualities seem to shine when he's around? Do you find yourself overlooking pet peeves just because he's the guilty party? Do you feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about him, even when he's not there? When you think about your future, is he in the picture? These are just a few of the good signs.
There's no easy recipe for a long-lasting relationship, but you've found some of the main ingredients. Chemistry is definitely a great foundation. Then you add some trust, communication, and respect. Of course, a dollop of humor and a generous amount of romance make it much more satisfying. There are many more things you can add to make it better, but that depends on the needs of the relationship and the individuals. The two of you have clearly mastered some key elements and seem well on your way to building a loving, long-lasting relationship. If, however, you have some doubts about him, or if this relationship isn't truly what you want, listen to your inner voice. "Forever" shouldn't be taken lightly. Try to explore your fears and concerns thoroughly. And, remember, if he's not "the One", that's okay, because you'll find someone who is even better for you. It's a win-win situation!
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Here's another one and it's damn fucking long!!!!
What's Your Love Story?
Seet Yee, Rags to Riches is your primary love story!
Rags to Riches is your primary Love Story
Cinderella is the archetype of your Rags to Riches love story, a story that's been retold throughout history in books, movies, poems, and songs. For you, love is more important than expectations, stereotypes and what other people think is good for you. People with the strength of character to pursue their loves despite obstacles and adversity, thrive in this story.
Ah, the American Dream of self-determination. It's the stuff from which true fairytales are made. Your story is about getting your due. Have you or your partner been discriminated against? Have people done their best to keep you apart? Once your surpass society's rules, you and your partner can escape to a happier place your former detractors can only envy. For beyond the initial disapproval of your pairing, is a realization that you were bold enough to pursue a dream, something others don't have the courage to do.
Somewhere in your love story, you dream of waltzing into another world and proving once and for all that you've got the right stuff, talent and intelligence to belong there. Are you ambitious? Do you seek success, fame and basic recognition for your accomplishments? Yours is really the dream of getting your due — a pretty familiar theme. In the film "Pretty in Pink", Molly Ringwald wins the heart of the rich preppy, while in the movie "16 Candles", tough-guy Judd Nelson craves the attention of pretty girl Ringwald.
This story is relevant no matter what your age or social class. Your love story is about being accepted for who you are by people or groups that exclude you, or at least by people who might make rash judgments about who you are. Do you believe in the adage opposites attract?
In the classic film "Sabrina," Audrey Hepburn plays a chauffeur's daughter who charms the socks off of the grumpy heir to a fortune (Humphrey Bogart). Love overcomes competition between the owner of a struggling, local bookstore and the owner of the large, rival chain in "You've Got Mail." Truly this story never gets old, especially not for you, because you connect to it so strongly.
What your love story says about you and your relationships
There's something about this love story that might draw you to forbidden worlds. And while it might not always be clear whether you're initially attracted to an individual himself, or the characteristics he represents, you eventually will figure it out. You may have to overcome outsiders' gossip or people's initial reluctance to accept your relationship for what it is. People also might be slow to support you and your partner — at least until they recognize that your love is real, and not just based on a whim.
If you're an executive, people might not understand why a carpenter is the love of your life. If you're from a small, conservative family in Connecticut, people might be initially skeptical of your love for a Brazilian guitar player from a family of 10.
Your desire to be accepted is both a comfort and a frustration for your fantasies. Do you get angry when people question your selection of mate? Do you get upset when you don't immediately fit into your partner's family traditions or with his friends from high school? In life and in love, you're independent, feisty, strong. Are you smarter than a lot of the people around you? Have you had to take care of yourself for much of your life? Numerous life experiences are driving your love story. You've experienced some rejection in your life, and most likely fantasize about avenging any injustices against you with utter success. You've made up for being born with a wooden spoon in your mouth, by cultivating your intellect, your taste, style, and career. You might work harder for things than those around you, even if you don't always get the credit.
Regardless of how your love story plays out, you are a remarkable person, certainly deserving of all the attention you crave. Your love story not only directs you to people in high and fascinating places, it feeds your ambition to join them and live a rich, full life. There's nothing wrong for wanting more than you have. If you're hot for someone outside your usual field of possibilities, what's the harm in making a play? Your love story is simply a guidebook. You can follow it, or you can toss it and choose your own direction. Therapists and experts have for years helped women see these patterns for what they are and decide whether they're right for them. Knowing your own patterns provides you with the same opportunity.
How to avoid common mistakes
Before you embark on another relationship, be honest with yourself and check your motives. Are you dating a successful person because you want what he or she has, or are you truly interested in the relationship itself? It's okay to enjoy romance outside your typical circles but don't confuse the individual with the social assets. Are you motivated by wanting revenge for some past, unrelated rejection, or are you trying to mimic a successful relationship from an earlier time?
Recognize that anyone who uses superfluous things like money and status to judge you isn't worth your time. Seeing yourself for the talented, driven, complete person you are is the first step to making sure your relationships are healthy. Let go of your desire to be accepted by people and accept yourself! Then it won't matter if the person you're with is a busboy or a businessman; you'll be happy. And others will grow to envy you for your sense of self, individualism and strength to pursue your goals when others might have advised against it.
How to recognize someone who's healthy for you
He may be royalty, a celebrity, the pianist next door, or the crazy guy who studies bugs for a living. To him, you're the greatest person ever born, and that feeling is mutual.
Your ideal someone attends all your performances, cheers you on in your work. In fights, this person always takes your side. When you're frustrated, your lover brings comfort in the form of soup and a shoulder to cry on. This companion may even share your ambition, seeking after greater opportunities for him or herself. You support one another in all your endeavors. You may become a power couple, working together to make inroads into the worlds of money, power, and success. As a team, you inspire everyone you meet. And that's because coming from different backgrounds, whether geographic, religious, ethnic, social or economic, you'll manage to make it work. But you won't have a healthy relationship until you have a healthy attitude towards yourself.
Recognizing your love story and the role it plays in your life is one step in the process of developing self-knowledge. Pat yourself on the back for all you've accomplished. Give yourself the royal treatment whenever you find yourself hankering for it. Sure the world is a hierarchy. Indeed, it's frustrating to be treated unfairly. You know these things, and the strength to persevere comes from within. Only when you are confident and free from bitterness will you be ready for love.
Whatever you decide to do with your love story — embrace it or move beyond it — you can rest assured that you're a remarkable person and deserving of a remarkable romance. Whether single or involved, you have a firm grasp on what you want out of life and there's no question that you will achieve it.
Mentor and the Protégé is your secondary Love Story
The Mentor and the Protégé is a love story about more than love for love's sake. In it, love grows out of a deeper need to learn and understand other aspects of your love through the teaching's of someone else. Love isn't the only thing you're after. You want power, success, attention, maybe even fame. You want to be recognized, doted on, and adored for your talents. And the object of your desire is the person best suited to provide you with these things — a boss, a mentor, a teacher, or a troubled genius.
This archetypal story is the basis of many great tales of love — usually involving an older man falling for a younger woman. Hamlet flirted with his mother. Jane Eyre fell for her stern, older boss. Jackson Pollock married a less-accomplished painter.
Similarly, the object of your affection can take the place of an absent parent or role model, providing security and nurturance. Whatever the reason, you're likely to feel a boost to your self-image when you're with this person. Just as this love story overpowers you, you might wish to be overpowered by someone stronger, wiser, and more accomplished than yourself. Your love story starts out innocently enough. Did you recently take a job working for an amazing boss? Has a teacher or mentor taken a special interest in your work? Maybe a long-time family friend stopped by for a visit, and revealed a fascinating side you've never seen before. The attention this person gives you is just what you're craving. From there, it's not a huge leap to falling in love.
In "My Fair Lady" a bet to train a poor woman in the ways of high society blossoms into romance. An older gent tumbles head over heels for a much younger woman in "Gigi." When secretary Tess McGill (played by Melanie Griffith) finds out her boss has stolen her idea in the movie "Working Girl," she gets revenge not only by taking her boss's place but stealing her beau. Bridget Jones has an affair with her boss, and in "The Graduate" Benjamin Braddock is sleeping with the wife of his father's boss. Sometimes these affairs work out; sometimes they don't. But the familiarity of this classic story itself is what brings them to life. You undoubtedly have seen yourself in some of these entertainments.
How your love story affects you and your relationships
Falling for someone in a higher social, economic, or political position than you can also be a truly exciting adventure. While an affair with a teacher or boss usually doesn't always last forever, it can be an amazing learning experience. People who share your story feel an added confidence that comes from the feeling that they were appreciated in the eyes of someone they respected as an authority figure, someone wiser than they.
Someone as ambitious and independent as you isn't afraid to take some risks in love. Do you fantasize constantly about your boss, teacher, or successful mentor? Do you go out of your way to get noticed by him or her? You desire success in your career or your art, but are you also willing to get involved in a romance that isn't condoned by higher-ups? Would you hazard an affair with a married person, or give up a healthy relationship for what may only be a fling?
If you're in love with power, you will naturally be drawn to powerful people. If your main goal in life is to develop your talents, then obviously someone who can help you in that quest will have romantic appeal. Oftentimes, just being near someone who's admired can boost your own self-confidence and improve how others view you.
A relationship, romantic or otherwise, with a mentor can be inspiring. It can challenge you to push yourself harder and provide you with a rich and meaningful education. Regardless of how you choose to act on your love story, you are bound to be learning new things and moving forward during this period. Your ambition and dreams may lead to romance, but they will also take you far in life. If your love story is leading you to trouble, then recognizing it is the first step in moving away from its control. Psychologists and experts have helped thousands of people like yourself take a critical look at their love story and decide how to use it to improve their relationships or how to move on.
How to avoid common mistakes
When it comes to love, you may find that you are particularly impressionable. For that reason, it is possible that you might misinterpret desire for what a person has — power, success, fame, money — as love for that person. Check in with yourself: Is it the person you adore or what they represent? Be sure to build your confidence independently of this person to make sure you're not simply hitching a ride on their self-image. Don't become dependent.
Dating someone who is in a position of power over your life comes with inherent risks: What if the relationship goes sour and your mentor or boss turns enemy? But still, if you are honest with yourself and honest with your partner, you should be able to avoid situations that could lead to more dependent relationships than you want or deserve.
How to recognize someone who's healthy for you
Advice on how to shape your career turns into a romantic heart-to-heart that lasts all night. A simple biology class by day turns into human anatomy lessons by night. Your gallant boss risks everything to dance with you at the office holiday party. A dazzling novelist steps away from the crowd at a party to make your acquaintance.
No question about it. It's great to be adored. And when the person doing the swooning is someone you admire, it's all the more endearing. You're longing for a person who's in control, represents power, but the right someone for you doesn't necessarily have to be a boss or a teacher.
A healthy relationship begins with someone admiring you for who you are, while encouraging you to aim higher. The relationship is supportive and nurturing, yet isn't totally centered on work and achievement. You have a lot in common outside of shared aspirations. This significant other will be totally available, not married to a career or, even worse, somebody else. If this special person is older and wiser, he or she will also possess a playful side that you can relate to.
It's essential that you enter into a relationship with a mentor or boss with your eyes wide open. Have a clear sense of what you and the other person hope to get out of being together. If you're honest with yourself and the other person, romances that follow this love story can be mutually beneficial and exciting.
Writing your Own Script for Happiness
While the stories are universal, your specific experiences within them are not. Use your primary love stories to map out where you've been, and where you want to go. Take an honest look at your past relationships.
Want to make your self-analysis seem more real? Then write down the characteristics you share with your love stories. Ask a friend who has known you through a number of relationships to help you identify patterns you don't see because they are too close to you still.
Finally, be truthful with yourself. Have the courage to face what you really want in life. But before you allow yourself to default to the aspirations you had 5 years ago, figure out if your goals have changed. When you see the patterns emerging on paper in front of you, you can make a conscious decision to continue with a given love story, or to change direction. If you are brave enough to face your desires, and are honest enough to share those dreams with your partner, you are well on your way to something you've been waiting for your entire life — true love.
You create your own destiny. Knowing what you love story is gives you the power to embrace it or move on. And ultimately, knowing your love story will allow you to more fully enjoy the most amazing of human relationships — love.
The Other Love Stories and How They Affect Us
Now you know how your primary and secondary love stories have played out in your life. But at some point, you're sure to be affected by all the love stories in one way or another. That's because the elements of these tales are universal — and the traits of one story, are not always so far from the characteristics of another.
As circumstances surrounding your relationships change, you may start to see shades of the remaining stories as they bleed into your life. With that in mind, here they are, ranked in order of how influential they currently are to you. Once you understand them, you can recognize their hold on you, and make a conscious decision to stick with them, or break away.
Loving Too Much
The Loving Too Much story stems from your overflowing love and hope. Sometimes, however, it can be muddied by misguided feelings, expectations and sometimes, an unrequited desire.
The people you're most attracted to are usually just out of reach and all the more alluring for it — like those early crushes on teen idols. The less available your partner is, emotionally and physically, the more desirable he becomes.
You daydream, and your imagination fills in the details that reality hasn't provided. Do you ever seek out indirect contact with this person, visiting his workplace or getting to know his friends? Do you find yourself dreaming about marriage after a second date, or perhaps after a quick affair? The hit film "Fatal Attraction" illustrates an extreme version of the Loving Too Much story — taking it to abnormal levels. What it doesn't fully explore is the capacity for love that you probably possess.
You scored a 8 on the Loving Too Much story.
Second Chances
The Second Chances love story is rooted in nostalgia. Whether you're longing for the ex you haven't seen in a year, or are reminiscing about the crush you never connected with 10 years ago, this kind of searching is indicative of more than dissatisfaction with your current romantic relationships.
Whether you do it consciously or not, most people who migrate towards the Second Chances love story either want to revise a past decision, confront someone you couldn't at the time, or revert back to a specific point in time. Do you ever wish you could return to a different period in your life?
This story is repeated more times than you could imagine. Take the film "Peggy Sue Got Married," for instance. In it, a housewife faints at her high school reunion and wakes up in her senior year at high school with the chance to change her destiny. The root of your story too, may arise from these feelings, that you need to reconnect with a time in your life when love was a larger focus of your life and responsibilities were much fewer. But it also might stem from other things as well.
You scored a 7 on the Second Chances story:
Love Conquers All
At its core, the Love Conquers All story is very romantic, triumphant, and full of courage to face yourself with honesty. The catalyst for change in your love story is usually a pivotal event, circumstance, or reevaluation of yourself.
Where should you look for these pivotal moments? Challenges may come from family and society — even yourself. Do loved ones disapprove of your partner, raise concerns you hadn't previously cared that much about? Turning points may also stem from previous obligations at work, or in promises you've made to others. Do you reschedule or delay plans with your partner because you feel the need to honor responsibilities at the office? Do you prioritize taking care of a friend in need over the needs of your mate?
These themes are echoed throughout history and recorded in diaries, novels, television and films. In Jane Austin's novel "Emma" for example, the protagonist put everybody else's romantic needs before her own. Had she not stopped to question herself, she would have missed a chance for love altogether. Was she just looking after her friends? Or was she guarding herself from the potential hurt of a relationship or unrequited love?
You scored a 5 on the Love Conquers All story:
Establishing Independence
The Establishing Independence love story that grips you begins with desire — not only for someone different, but for exciting life changes, as well. Whether you're looking to grow away from a current relationship, move towards another relationship, or simply develop a new sense of who you are, look for a shift in what you pursue and how you define yourself relative to other people.
These transformations come in the package of another person, perhaps a soul mate but more likely someone you've selected not because of his potential, but for the qualities he possesses as different from those you are accustomed to.
Just as young Juliet escaped an arranged marriage by attaching herself to Romeo, people often establish a separate identity for themselves by dating people who are very different from their parents, or their last loves. If you come from a conservative coat and tie family, maybe a James Dean rebel is the best way to go. If you're tied to people who are defiantly liberal, you might seek out someone who will help you experiment with more conservative ideas.
You scored a 3 on the Establishing Independence story:
Romantic Rescue
The love story that grips you, Romantic Rescue, uses love to give better meaning and significance to your life. Love, in your story, is all-powerful. It is the catalyst to change yourself, help your partner become the person you want them to be, and show the world what you are made of. Some people put themselves in the role of hero in this love story — nursing an ailing partner back to health, saving him from a string of previously destructive relationships, maybe even saving him from a physical danger. Other people with whom you share this story cast themselves as those in need of rescue - relying on their partners to swoop in and save them from whatever ill-fate's been visited upon them, either real or imagined.
In your love story, actions speak almost louder than words. The more present you are to your partner, or he to you, the stronger and faster your bond can develop. The image of one partner as caregiver and the other as recipient of that care, sets up an immediate give-and-take relationship, one that makes your union seem all the more magical.
It also sets up one of the parties as a savior. Though perhaps not as epic as seen in the characters in novels or films, this is significant nonetheless. In Hemingway's tragic love story, "Farewell to Arms," an injured soldier is nurtured back to health and into a blissful romance by a kindly nurse. Not long after, she's the one at death's door. In "Run Lola Run," a woman has twenty minutes to come up with a large amount of money to save her boyfriend's life. How far she goes to obtain it is a measure of her devotion or delusion.
You scored a 2 on the Romantic Rescue story:
Love vs. Honor
Love vs. Honor is the most dramatic love story of all — defined by an innate tug of war between what you want to do and what you should do. There is something coming between you and love. Perhaps it's a religious conviction, a previous commitment, family, patriotic duty, or deep belief that good things only come at a terrible price.
If you're looking for examples you can start back with the Greek myths where heroes were often forced to give up love and the comforts of home for battles in far-off lands. In Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations," Estella chooses to obey her benefactress and break Pip's heart, even though she deeply regrets doing so. Political obligations and previous relationships tear Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman apart in the unforgettable film, "Casablanca."
You scored a 2 on the Love vs. Honor story:
History of The Test
Why This Test?
Throughout the history of our site, users have written to thank us for helping them — helping them understand aspects of their personalities they previously had been unable to pinpoint. And as they took more and more of our tests, they came to understand more and more about themselves and how they relate to others.
When we thought about how else we could help people, we wanted to find a subject that was universal — a subject that intrigues everyone. What we came up with was the latest test to arm you with a knowledge that you can put to immediate use in your life, and more specifically, your love life.
Stories about love are universal throughout the world. The general ideas and motivations behind all the love stories you'll find in different cultures in different countries echo the 8 themes you'll see in this test.
How is this possible? How do we know this? For years, researchers across various disciplines have been tracing the subject of recurring life themes, stories, and roles. Take for example, anthropologist Joseph Campbell. His book, "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" traces the theme and role of "Hero." What he found was that whether you are studying the myths from the African savannah, the European forests, the Asian mountains, or the American cities, there is one hero archetype. This character is a constant in what he represents, in the stories he plays out.
Love is a Universal Theme
Another great, cross-cultural theme is that of love. It is constant, as is how it plays out in people's lives. Want to know about how you love? What your relationships say about you? How you find yourself in relationships at all? Then take a look around you. Though specific details about how you met someone, what they're like, and what you're like together are unique, there are 8 main themes that help explain some of the overarching elements of any romantic relationship.
Have you ever identified with a friend who's embarked on a relationship similar to one you've experienced? Do you wonder why you identify so strongly with the heroines in some movies or books over others? That's probably because no matter where you come from, no matter what your background, your relationships, current and past, can be mapped to the same 8 themes of love that have ruled people since the beginning of time. They're stories you can see in the bible, you can see in history, and you can see all around you played out by friends, families and yourself.
By recognizing the elements of the story, placing your specific details into the template, you can better understand your own love story, and can determine whether it is a good story for you to pursue at any point in time. After looking at research, and thinking a lot about relationship issues, we created this test for you.
Love does indeed, make the world go 'round. And your love story is more universal than you think.
What Love Does to Us
The human being is the most rational creature on the planet. It is our ability to reason that raises us to the highest level of the animal kingdom. The human in love, however, is a different beast altogether.
Whether it's locking your keys in your car, singing in public or talking to yourself in the mirror, we all agree that love makes man and womankind do some pretty unusual things. Unfortunately it can also cause us to act against our best interest, something we intelligent creatures are not used to doing. Staying in a relationship passed our welcome, getting into relationships with the wrong people, we've all experienced that at one point or another.
So, if love does cause a kind of short circuit in our ability to reason, how can we enjoy the thrilling freefall of an affair without crash landing in enemy territory? There must be a way to bridge the gap between our wildest desires and our better interests.
Love on the Brain
Most of us like to keep the division of labor well defined when it comes to the internal workings of love. The heart handles emotional matters while the brain is responsible for remembering his phone number and keeping your tongue in line when he sits down next to you. But let's get realistic; the heart is really just a feisty little muscle that pumps blood. It's the brain that runs the show.
The Alligator, the Gorilla and the Computer
Since the early 1950's, scientists studying the human brain have theorized that there may be more than one command center in our heads. These experts believe that the brain found in modern man's cranium is really three brains in one.
The most primitive part of our brain resembles that of a reptile, controlling all the basic functions of the body — heartbeat, breathing pattern, survival instincts, etc. The next lobe of the brain is called the limbic region found only in mammals. It is here that the pain and pleasure centers live. The limbic region controls how we feel, our current moods and "emotional memory." Finally, the neo-cortex, or rational mind, comprises the third lobe of the brain. Unique to humans, the neo-cortex processes all the signals from our five senses — smell, sight, taste, touch and sound. It also is in charge of our reasoning and opinions much like a super-computer crunches numbers.
Why Love Trumps Reason
No information can reach the rational part of your brain without first passing through the limbic region. Therefore this passion center of the brain has the power to control rational thought and color it with emotional hues when confronted with extreme situations like love or danger.
What people refer as love at first sight or the excitement of a new relationship is really the release of hormones and endorphins triggered by the limbic region of the brain without permission of the neo-cortex. It is an emotional hijacking of the rational brain and it feels strange, wonderful and crazy all at once.
What's Love Got to Do With It?
Even though all this science makes the book of love seem as pre-scripted as a Color-by-numbers book, it doesn't have to take all the fun out of falling in love. Physiology and neurology do their part to explain behavioral patterns that have existed since Adam asked Eve, "hey, come here often?" Recognizing the patterns won't turn your love life into a cliché. Instead, it points out clues about your own body and mind.
Think of Tickle's What's Your Love Story test as a bridge between the logical neo-cortex and the emotional limbic region of the brain. The more you understand where your own experience fits into the eight basic love stories, the sooner your logical brain can lend a hand to the one of the most illogical and absolutely amazing aspects of life: love.
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