Monday, January 7, 2008


Think I'm having depression. I'll get angry for no reasons, and very moody. I even get suspicious easily. Something is seriously wrong with me. What exactly is depression? Quoted from Yahoo! Health:

Depression is a mood disorder that causes you to feel sad or hopeless for an extended period of time. More than just a bout of "the blues" or temporary feelings of grief or low energy, depression can have a significant impact on your enjoyment of life, your work, your health, and the people you care about.

I searched Yahoo for the signs of depression, and went to take a depression test. Guess what's my score?

Yeps. I have depression. Although this test might not be 100% accurate, but it does test something. Maybe what I'm facing now is mild depression...or maybe as stated, major depression. Whatever it is, it's affecting me.

Some of the common symptoms include:

Depressed mood - Feeling down recently. Just snapped at my parents while we were outside. I can't even be bothered to answer when my dad was nagging at me. But recently...duno why I just feel like breaking down for no reasons. *Sigh*

Inability to enjoy activities - What activities? Hmm..this did not affect me though. Because I do not enjoy work. LoL. But I still managed to enjoy my gaming time and my book reading time....although recently I'm just scanning through my storybooks instead of reading them...... =(

Problems concentrating - Maybe it's because I don't have the heart to work, therefore I can't seem to concentrate during office hours. My mind wonders off everytime. And my email is piling up. Don't care ba.....

Changes in eating habits or appetite - Umm...nopez. No still not having breakfast and/or lunch. LoL.

Weight gain or weight loss - Weight loss? How I wish man. Been trying to lose weight....

Changes in sleeping habits - Nopez. No changes. Still try to sleep before 12 on weekdays and sleep at 4+am on weekends. =P Oh yah, my weekend starts on Friday and ends on Sat. Sun is a weekday to me...saded.

Difficulty going to work or taking care of your daily responsibilities because of a lack of energy - Go work lehz! I already sian of my job!! Of ourse I have difficulty going to work!! Everyday I'm dragging myself out of bed to bathe...and while the hot water is running down my back, I'm wondering if there's any excuses I can use to NOT go work. But in the end, also go. Think I need a long holiday break.

Feelings of guilt and hopelessness; wondering if life is worth living (common)
Slowed thoughts and speech
- Nopez nopez...

Preoccupation with thoughts of death or suicide - Nopez nopez also. Suicide is painful. I know cause I've tried before. It takes alot of guts to jump off the building as well. Eating pills, slashing wrists, banging head against the wall...been there done that. It's now nopez..scared of pain

Complaints that have no physical cause (somatic complaints) such as headache and stomachache - 2 weeks ago I had migraine. Doctor told me I'm under alot of stress. But it's not due to work. I have alot of outstanding, but nobody's rushing me. I guess...the stress must be something I inflicted on myself unknowingly.

I searched for treatment and was directed to IMH website. It's either pills or no pills. Duh. Anyway, quoted from their post on depression, these are the "help" I can/should get/do:

All antidepressant medications are equally effective but they have different side effects. The most often used antidepressants include tricyclics, monoamine oxidase inhibitors, lithium and selective serotonin inhibitos (SSRI)


Psychotherapy involves talking things through with a trained counsellor or therapist. Talking to someone who can really listen and understand you without passing judgement can be a tremendous relief. You learn how to solve problems and cope with life stresses better.

Exercise not only improves your health but it also gives you a sense of accomplishment. Endorphins (‘feel good’hormones) are released during exercise and this can elevate your mood.

This involves deep breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation.

Support groups offer fellowship and you get to hear first hand accounts of how other with depression, like you, have learn to cope. Presently SAMH, IMH and the Behavioural Medicine Clinic at IMH run support groups. The group at IMH is a psychoeducation group, i.e. you learn about the depressive illness and methods of coping.

ECT is only indicated for those with severe depression who have not responded to treatment or are highly suicidal. It involves giving a light general anaesthetic and an electric current is passed through the brain for few seconds. The whole procedure takes only about 15 minutes and the patient is only aware of having gone to sleep.

Don’t bottle things up. Try to talk to someone close to you. It helps to have a good cry and talk things through.

Don’t set yourself unrealistic or difficult goals. Do what you can.

Do something – do some light activities or get out of the house for some exercise and some fresh air. It helps to take your mind off things.

Eat a balanced diet, although you may not feel like eating.

Do not drown your sorrows in alcohol. Alcohol actually depresses the mood. It may give immediate relief but this is temporary and you end up more depressed. It is also bad for your health.

Don’t despair: remind yourself that many other people have suffered from depression and have becomes better. You will eventually come out of it, just like they did.

It's funny that I know myself and yet do not want to seek help. Somewhere inside me, maybe I'm just hoping it's a passing phase and I'll be ok after awhile. I just need to tahan a few more months...and then it's off to Japan I go! My parents suggested we go Japan, and I suggested Hokaido cause we've been to Tokyo before. (It's damn expensive at Tokyo) Mom wants to see sakura, so if we're going Hokkaido, the sakura will bloom in May. Duno if I can last that long. But I don't mind going to Kyoto first...the temples look inviting and calm. Maybe it can calm my inner mind? Sigh. Can't wait for Jan to be over...really need a long break.......


Zhane said...

be braved. i think im suffering from it too...quite a long while le
cant get over.. it always come back

daphne maia said...

after going thru treatment at IMH and being on medication for a year.. i learnt one thing from my doctor...

a person is only as depressed as he/she believes himself/herself to be.

one day i woke up and i told myself that im not going to rely on medication anymore, and i stopped, just like that. i went to see my doctor and told him im fine. and he said, "i always knew u were."

btw, being on medication isn't so cool. u r in a stoned/jaded mood all the time. u dont care abt what happens around u, as long as there's activity around u, u'll probably be fine.

think twice, think abt where u want ur life headed. think abt how u want to live ur life.

Xueyu said...

daphane: I guess it's the thinking of the future that is dragging me down..LoL...I try hard to believe that I'm not depressed...but how can a bubbly, happy-go-lucky, always smiling girl to be sad for no reasons?

zhane: No worries...+ve!!