Friday, January 11, 2008

My Life Story, My Family

When I was in P4, my mom opted me to go EM1. I remembered you must have band 2 for all subjects, then you can opt. Those with band 1 are automatically EM1 until they opt out. Mom thinks that it'll be great for me. I studied higher Chinese for P5 and P6, all the while failing my monthly/semester/term tests. My sec sch was chosen by my mom. Still remembered the schools: Chung Cheng High Main, St Hilda's, Tanjong Katong Secondary, Temasek Secondary, Tanjong Katong Girls and one more which I can't really remember. All the top 50 schoold. I got into Tanjong Katong Secondary. I wasn't allowed to go out even on weekends with my friends then...till almost mid of 1995. Throughout my primary school life, the only times I went out with classmate was for projects. I was brought up in a relatively strict family. I was no longer caned when I went into secondary school. It was worse. I was slapped everytime I said a vulgar word I'd just picked up in school. My pocket money was cut whenever I failed my test. I was grounded whenever I did not do my homework.

Sec 3 came, and since our school is a kiasu school, everyone had 4 basic subjects; English, Mother Tongue, E. Maths and A. Maths. Of course there is science. The pure science (Physics and Chem and Bio), and me, the sub science (Phy/Chem). I did literature and geography. And I stupidly took MEP (Music Elective Program), which was taught at our sister school, Tanjong Katong Girls, just one bus stop away, every Monday, from 3 - 6pm. After a month there, I dropped out. It was too boring and the people there were too genius. Apparently out of the 8 MEP students from my school, 1 finished the whole course. Mom didn't reprimend me cause she wanted me to pay more attention to my subjects. Being playful in Sec 2, I failed my sec 2 maths. Therefore, when thrown with E/A Maths, I failed terribly. My best score for A Maths back then was 20/100. Cool eh? Sec 3 was my worst year. I failed many subjects and started roaming Parkway after school. Mom and dad were furious. Dad took away my pager and cut my allowance. I was constantly grounded. My teacher called my parents at the end of the year when I was away on a camping trip. I had failed overall. I had 45% only, which the school will 勉强 promote me to sec 4. 3 of my schoolmates weren't that lucky. 2 got retained and another had to transfer. You see, our school only has Express stream. No normal stream nor special stream. Our school is a very small school. Mom got angry and tore down ALL my posters of idols in my room. I came back home and quarreled with her.

Sec 4 term 1, we had tests. I was automatically put in a class where nobody takes A Maths. Supposedly all the "losers" from all other classes were put together in my class. I was separated from my best friend then. All the HODs taught my class, including the principal herself, taught us geography for remedial. First term, I failed 5 subjects out of 6. I only passed English. -_-" That woke me up. Our class have remedials everyday for different subjects. I was staying in school more often. With the exception of English, everyday was a different remedial by different HOD or Principal. *Stressed*

1 week before the Os, I had sore eyes. I was given medication which does not allow me to open my eyes. I couldn't study for my Os. Parents were worried and are looking for factory jobs for me. -_-" Heng I passed all, even though results weren't very good. My only A2 was for E.Maths. Mom was elated. Dad? He couldn't really care.

At 17, dad started getting drunk and the beatings would get more frequent. Soon it's no longer a slap or two. Dad would use the mop and hit my legs, sometimes a belt, and once, a cable to tie me up. I picked up smoking. I started fighting my dad, kicking him in the stomach whenever he tried to beat me for no reasons. I almost threw a chair at my dad. I was a teenage. =P

I started hanging out late, smoking and drinking. By and by, I went out and never came home till the next day. My parents called me but I never answered their phone. Mom was worried sick. Dad was damn angry. I never spoke to my dad. All these changed until one day my mom begged me to be good. She told me to stop smoking. I shouted back at her and asked her to shut up. She suddenly dropped to her knees, cried and begged me. My heart broke that instantly. The rest...well...history le. From that day onwards, I became better. I stopped having late nights. I'll answer her calls and tell her my ETA. I'll buy stuff for her. I started spending every Sunday with my family.

As for now, I go out with my parents as often as I can, having dinners together outside, or shopping every Sunday. Mom is no longer as sad as last time. Dad is much closer to me now. Of course, there will be quarrels. And I don't know when I wana quit smoking. But out of respect, I don't smoke infront of my parents, and they liked to believe that their little girl had quit. =P But then...I love my parents more than ever. I knew that they had suffered alot for me and gave up alot of stuff for me. What we have now didn't come easy. But at least we're closer now....


Aaron said...

Sounds like you had a harsh and hard upbringing...

I glad that you're closer now, and you've found it in your heart to forgive them.

That takes alot of courage and guts.

And if you've gotten through that.. then i know you will get through the rest of the stuff in your life.

Be well xueyu~~

Ritergal said...

It's as tough being a parent as it is being raised by one. It is humbling to become a parent yourself and realize the other side of the story. No parent ever wakes up in the morning thinking, "Ah, another day, another chance to get up, scream, yell, get angry and beat my kid!" No, we do the best we can with what we know at the time, and later we see how we could have done better.

I'm so happy for you and your parents that you have smoothed things over. May your love for each other continue to grow, and may you always write your stories!

Xueyu said...

aaron: should be my parents forgive was damn bad to them

ritergal: i hope there wun be retribution on me...where in the future my kids will do the same to me, cause it's really nerve wrecking and hurting as well

Ritergal said...

Oh, dear. I wasn't thinking of retribution at all! No. Each generation of parents faces new challenges. You've learned from your experiences, and that will make you stronger as parent, and maybe more understanding than you would have been, should you choose to become one.

I'm so happy for you and your parents that you seem to be a forgiving family. What a blessing!