Friday, April 18, 2008

Blank..Totally Blank

Had a hard time sleeping last night again. Was up half the night and only got to sleep as the sun was rising. Wonder what's wrong with me. Almost couldn't get up today again. Anyway, recently there's so many things happening till I'm very tired. Seriously very tired. This is gonna be one fucking long entry....


My mom had been complaining of numbness (or 麻痹/pins and needles as she described) on the left side of her body. She went to see a doctor last week and the doctor had told her to go for a brain CT scan. Maybe it's because mom's afraid of facing the music, or I just plain don't know anything. I seemed to have angered her last Friday when I mentioned that she should go for the scan. She screamed and shouted at me, saying that I don't know anything at all. Bla bla bla. Dad tried to butt in and said that he's going for a scan soon, so nothing to worry about. Mom then in turn screamed at dad, saying that many of her cells will die, and she's going for a gall bladder scan, bla bla bla. Whoever said that it's easy to be an only child is wrong.

Last Fri I went out with Sue to have supper at Gelare. After Gelare, we went East Coast to continue catching up with each other. We stayed until 230am, when my mom called. Mom said it was late. She even told me not to send Sue home, asking me to tell Sue to take a cab home. Hello? It's like midnight charge + Sue lives in Sengkang! And it's late for her to go home alone too! So I was mumbling to mom that no way, bla bla bla. I told her to go sleep, I'll be back home soon. That was when mom said something scary. She told me that she couldn't sleep and feel like banging her head on the wall. She wana die. I told her I'll be back soon and promptly messaged my dad to check on mom. (Which of course he didn't see cause he was fast asleep)

Me and Sue decided to head home and while on the road, I asked her what it was like to have so many siblings (she has 2 sisters and 2 brothers). She asked me back what it was like to be an only child. I told her that it could get lonely when parents just wana talk to each other and I have nobody to talk to. Nobody to share my fears or dreams with, without being scolded or nagged or anything. Believe me, my tears were almost falling. Sue suggest I have a good talk with mom, which I did. I reached home to find mom, sleeping on the sofa. My heart broke. After bathing, I had a long talk with her, which resulted in her crying. My heart broke again. Being helpless, I called dad in. He slept next to her and I went out. Then I called Feng and cried. Really pek cek. Felt so helpless. Stay home nobody talk to me. I go out, my mom wana die. Really -_-" No worries though, mom claimed that she's having menopause, therefore these outbreaks are common. She's ok the next day...and till now no outbreak yet. *Choy*


Dad is tired of working. He's constantly being screwed by his supervisor, who is half of dad's age. Everytime there's a screwup, they will call him at 4am and expect him to be there at 4am. LoL. And all these while, I thought he was joking when he said he's quitting. Apparently he's not joking this time.

Dad is going to "retire" again. Why again? Well, according to the old "rules", all police have to retire when they're aged 45. Both my parents retired at 45. It was a no choice but to follow law. They're now no longer police, but are still working for SPF. Mom no longer holds a gun at work and dad no longer have to wear a uniform.

As I mentioned, dad wana quit. So when his contract is up, he'll not choose to renew it if given the choice. He wana stay home. Being so old, I guess it's time my parents retire. But what's worrying me is that I'm going to study for these 2 years. What about those bills? What about the car? What about my school fees and all? Mom said she'll continue to work until I grad. But looking at the way she is now, I would prefer she stay at home. At least I know I'll have a nice meal waiting for me when I wake up or when I get home. =P

I suggested to dad to sell the car. He didn't want to listen. He just wants to continue to keep his car, and maybe upgrade it to his Honda Accord. -_-" Well, I shall worry when the time comes. For now, I'll just have to save more on my pay...which is like ending soon. *Argh* 真是烦死人了


Although we had resolved our quarrels, it's hard maintaining a relationship when the time he's awake is the time I'm asleep. We chat for the measely 10min/day. He works at night and I work in the morning. It's really a wonder how I can tahan like this for the past few mths. I only get to see him on Sat, sometimes, very rarely, not at all. Tiring. But no worries, we're still trying our hardest to maintain our relationship, as well as to build a future. So not much worries on that. You guys got any engineering lobangs? LoL. I still love you dear. *Smiles*

How about I stop her for now. There's still more where it came from. Just wana blurt it all out. Actually I'll feel better. Or rather, I feel slightly better now. Just keep checking back for updates. Maybe later I'll update...or tonight...or tomorrow...or never............

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