Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Most Painful Thing In The World

Most painful thing is not about losing the person you love. It's reflecting on the things you had done and realised you were treating the other party badly and it's too late to do anything cause the other party don't love you anymore. I guess I can't say I didn't hurt. And I didn't want to announce this..but apparently Weifeng is not changing his mind this time.

We had broken up on Monday, 18 Aug.

Maybe I was a little slow. It took me about 2 days+ to start feeling the pain. I thought I was feeling the pain of losing him. But no. After so many days of reflecting, I realised it was him who gave in most of the time. I was the one who didn't treasure him. And even though I have been assuring him that I will definitely change for him these couple of days, the only thing he replied was 'It's too late'. It hurt. It felt as if someone had taken my heart out and put it into a blender.

I know after so many experiences of breakups, I should be able to walk away. And afterall, I kept telling my friends that I'm not happy. But funnily, it really hurt after I thought through what he had done for me. I really hope there is a miracle that will change his mind.

We were together for 2 years and 5 months. I missed the times where he picked me up from work, pat me to sleep, and us going on our first and only trip overseas to Genting. It really hurt. I wish time would turn back to Monday or something. And I won't quarrel with him. Instead I'll treat him nicer. I want him to hug me and assure me everything's ok. I still wana hear him telling me he loves me. But apparently the hurt I had caused made him don't love me anymore. He just wana be friends.

I guess I need a long time to heal. Kevin told me to mourn for a few weeks, then pick myself up and move on. Alex (Weifeng) made me promise that I won't do anything silly, take care of myself and be happy. Well, I can't be happy now. I really love him alot. I do not know why I treated him the way I did. Maybe I thought I didn't love him when actually I do. If there's a chance..I would still want us to be together. In the meantime friends, just do me a favour and don't mention him unless it's good news. Ask Drag me out so I won't stay cooped up at home crying my eyes blind. Better still, help me change his mind. I really realise my mistake le. I'm wrong. I'm sorry.........

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