Sunday, October 5, 2008

Only Closest Ones Can Hurt You The Most

Just had a quarrel with mom. She said something hurting. I realised if the same sentence were to come out from someone whom I don't care about, it wouldn't hurt at all. But hearing what my mom said, it really hurts alot. And I was so angry I stormed out of her room and banged my door. Nuff said. Feng says I should learn to control my emotions. Hello. Just because you're heartless doesn't mean I can. Just because you can ignore whatever negative things anyone says about you doesn't mean I can. You're not me. You were not brought up in a way that you've to prove to other people that you're good. Life sucks. Will blog about my idol tomorrow or something. Nights


David & Doreen said...

maybe feng is not totally wrong. Asking u to control your emo doesnt equate to being heartless. instead, when u can control ur emo, u might be able to see things from a diff perspective. Negative comments WONT come from someone who didnt care abt u, they will simply keep quiet cos it doesnt matter to them whether u live or die. so maybe you dont have to feel so hurt after all, but be glad.

David & Doreen said...

well, no offence, our 2 cents worth comments. I grew up being the eldest to my siblings, where they listened to me, to a certain extent. How do you think I can accept ur kor's critics when i'm usually the one to comment on my siblings?

If they didnt care, they wont even comment. dont always jump at Feng for his comments. think it thru.

CT said...

Parents give you advice because they care. Sometimes that advice really hurts, but it is helpful in the long run. Believe me, it is far worse when they say they have given up and don't say anything at all. I think the right way to approach this is rationally, instead of losing your temper. Even if your mother is wrong in her assertions, you should sit down and logically explain your point of view and tell her that her misunderstanding of you is hurtful. If you think that she may be right though, just suck it up and say you'll think about it and take her advice into consideration.

As you know, my mother, like yours, has a lot more 'life experience' than I do. She is also very impatient with me, sometimes overbearing in her opinions. I take that into consideration also. No matter what she says that is hurtful (and she has said really horrible things), I always say I'll think about it and thank her for saying it. What is critically important here is that you show her respect, because she deserves it.

Xueyu said...

Doreen: He's asking me to ignore my mom from now on so I can't get hurt. This is my mom we're talking abt..aiyah next time then tell u whole story.

ct: she's saying that i've no talent in studying, and is asking me to think twice abt completing my deg. wtf..i'm already 6 wks into this course..

ct said...

Then tell her you don't agree with her and that you'll prove her wrong. Also tell her (rationally) that what she just said was probably in what she feels is your best interests but is not very encouraging and you were disappointed to hear it.

If you don't pass, then she's right. The thing is, she doesn't know she's not right, so ease up on her. She really is doing what she thinks is best for you. The key here is to communicate and not chew her up. I don't agree that you should 'ignore her'. Ignoring your parents just alienates them from your life. You gotta remember that parents aren't perfect people, they make mistakes also.

Further, trust takes time to build and you gotta give it time. After you prove her wrong a few times and show that you know what you are doing, that respect for you and your future decisions will come. Evaluate yourself and your past, perhaps she is biased because of it, and you can't blame her. She doesn't know yet you're a changed person. Be strong, be independent, be mature (or work towards it) but also be caring and logical.

It took me 5 years before my Mom felt comfortable about me making decisions about my life. Sooner or later, it's going to happen anyway.