Sunday, May 21, 2006

21 May 2006, Sunday (Sunny)

It's a Sunday..last day of the weekend. Sunday, the day before my dear flies off to China for work for 2 weeks. Sunday, my family day. Sunday, where I am supposed to be happy cause I've a new monitor. Sunday, where I can finally play maple story cause the monitor has built in speakers. Sunday, can surf net whole day. Sunday, where my favourite "Jia Da Huan Xi Jing Zuan Ban" is showing on Ch 55. Sunday, so many nice things should be happening. So why am I feeling so down?

Disappointed..but it's my fault

Supposedly to meet Feng for dinner at 9+pm. He called me around 5+ and told me he wana meet me for dinner alone. I asked him about his friends and he say he just wana meet me alone for dinner before he flies off. I was elated. Almost 2 months into this relationship le, but whenever I know I'll be meeting him alone, I still get tingling sensation, as if I'm still single and somebody I like just dated me out. You know that kind of feeling? Where you feel your stomachs turn into knots and butterflies are flying around inside? It's funny really. We've been meeting almost everyday but I still get those "First-Date Syndrome".
Anyway get back to my story. I kept myself busy and kept lookin at the clock. 8+ he called me. Told me his friends are joining us. What the...I thought he said wana eat alone? I must have sounded unhappy cause he asked if I felt uncomfortable. Of course I am! He asked me if I wanted him to eat somewhere else cause we arranged to eat at Tenaga. He sounded disappointed in me. Call me selfish if you want but 2 weeks cannot see him lehz, and I can't send him off tomorrow cause I have to work, of course I want him alone to myself for the night. Somemore today actually wanted to cook dinner for him, but he went to meet his friends. Oh well..there will be another time I guess.
He asked me to rest early since I'm not meeting him afterall. I was like.. *Speechless* Just coz I dun eat with your frens doesn't mean I'm not meeting you. I just dun feel comfortable in a big group whom I rarely meet/socialise/duno. I was exposed to everyone of them too fast..I dun warm up to people like that.
Sigh..already dropping tears while typing this. Can't wait for Monday to come. Can bury myself in work. I made up my mind to do OT the whole week. Go home bathe then just sleep. *Slap myself* STOP SHEDDING TEARS! Fuck...

Men and different yet so similar

Women and men..they're so different in so many ways, yet so similar. Men, they are supposedly to be macho, be man and like to keep things to themselves. Women? They are the weaker sex, likes to talk alot and are very emotional. But are they really that different?
When woman faces stress, or problems, she usually finds someone to talk it out. *I'm needing that..very much right now* She just blabs and blah and whine for an hour or 2, cries awhile and she's ok. She's still her. As for man? They like to keep stuffs to themselves..or so it seemed. They're no different from woman. They find a couple of guy frens, talk it over a couple of beer/drinks, and they blab and blah and whine. He's ok. Occassionally they cry. So what's the difference? Difference is woman can share their problems with any sex, female and male. While male? It depends. Most of the time he prefers to tell it to man cause, well, he's a man and another man should understand his plight. Whatever.
Woman loves attention, especially from her man. But too much attention can make her feel disgusted. Women are like that. Treat them too good and they take it for granted. Treat them like shit and they keep coming back for more. Are males any different? They loved to be pampered by us females too, don't they? I bought something for Feng yesterday and he was so happy, even though what I'd bought was totally unneccessary. They need people to tell them they're smart, sauve and good looking. They don't like to be called fat either. So what's the diff between females and males? Sorry if I'm blind but I don't see any difference. I loved to be pampered. So does any females and males out there. Believe it or lie to yourself.
There must be something different, I hear some of you claim. YES!! How about PMS? Pre-menstrual syndrome where females get cranky for a period of time before her menses arrives? Or when she has mood swings? So is this to say that males do not have mood swings for a period of time? You guys too have PMS, only difference is you DO NOT get menses. The only time you guys bleed down there is when you've piles or you fucked your bleeding gf or whatever gross things you can think of.
Why XY suddenly so much feelings? Well, I'm so tired of being what he wants me to be. Suddenly. Yes. He keeps wanting me to change this and change that. It's for my good I know. Smoke less, drink less, scold lesser vulgarities, speak softly like a lady should...but it ain't me!!!! I'll be very willing to change, thing is everytime he asks me to change I feel so....imperfect. Like I'm a lousy person. Like I've no manners nor etiquette. It sort of hurts sometimes. I like to be pampered, I love to be praised, I hate to be nagged..doesn't everyone regardless of race and sex? I'm a gf, aren't I aupposed to be the perfect one in his eyes even though I'm not? Well he's perfect in my eyes. Sometimes too perfect for me. I feel as if I'm not quite suited for him. My ego's been burst, I'm having mood swings. Just heck care me. Maybe him going to China would be a great time to let me cool down, and recover from this mood swings. Nights...going for a smoke downstairs alone then come up sleep. I guess I won't be meeting up with him. I guess he just got bored looking at me 6 days a week. Ciaoz.

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