Was called into the office just now for a "prep talk". You know what prep talk is? It's those preperation talks given by coach(es) to their players before a game. To perp them up, to make them kill kill kill. Well my manager just gave me a prep talk. And it through these "prep talk" that makes feel like leaving this company. It's ok that you don't see my strengths, but don't run me down. Reverse pyschology is not working for me. It never had. Single child has never been a problem. So what if I'm a single child? I wasn't brought up in a single child family. Stop using me being single child as an excuse to run me down. Stop stereo-typing all single child lor. Kaoz.
Best of all she used our China engineer, Roger, who is 1 yr older to compare with me. Saying that he's only 1 year older yet he knows more things than me, he's creating materials and such. Hello? If I'm that clever I won't even be working here! I'll be head-hunted man! He's that clever and how much you paying him? SGD$2K per month nia lor! That's crazy. I'm not him. Don't compare. He's stupid enough to work for you, that doesn't mean I have to follow suit what he's doing.
At this point of time, I wasn't really listening. I was too tired. Had a quarrel with Feng yesterday till 1+, fell asleep at 2am. I'm freaking shagged out. So when my manager asked me if I have any outstanding CAR, I told her I only have 1 on hand, which is quite true. She asked me about this CAR of PN 54002, and I was like huh where got. Hello...I have CAR, I have RFQ, I have order entry, I have delivery. You think I can remember so much? Furthermore I'm shagged out now! Obviously can't remember lah. Then she started chiding me on the way I work..too immature, blah blah blah. Oh please. I'm not the one jumping around the office at age of 40+. I'm in my mid twenties. I can finish your work, I do it. And my pay is paid to do PO, RFQ and OE. NO CAR. NO ECN. Additional workload, but no additional pay. FUCKED UP. ARGH! Told you her "prep talk" doesn't work. Stupid man. Woman. Whatever.
Emotional
I'm like so tired out. Mentally and physically. This morning I was so blur, I went to buy drinks, I gave the aunty $2 and walked away. I walked a few steps before realising that I did not take my change. By then the aunty already shouting for me. I went back to take my change and went to buy breakfast. I asked the aunty how much, and gave her the exact change. But I didn't leave. I stood there and waited for change. Stood there for about a few seconds then realised I gave her the exact change. I walked away. I was cursing inside, screaming at myself to wake up. WTF am I doing? I went into office and started sneezing. Brain wasn't workinig liao. And I'm starting to have flu. Sugar daddy said that maybe cause I din have enough sleep. I guess so too, cause I'm constantly yawning and my eyes kept tearing. Not crying lah aiyoh.
Checked my email and I almost cried. Really. I saw that Jac, Jasca and Weiqi replied to my email. They were my best bunch of frens from IT/ICP 99'. I loved them more than I loved my IT/ICP 00' classmates. What happened was actually a very small case. But then I think we really outgrew the love we had for each other. Well...I was only with them for a year. They only know me for a year. When I was growing up, they weren't really by my side. Sigh. Let me tell you what happened.
In our group, ZZ (aka Xiujun), birthday is about 2 weeks after mine. Normally, on my birthday, some of them will sms me to wish me happy birthday. This year, only Jasca and Xiujun did. Then out of a sudden, Weiqi emailed us, asking to meet on Sun (04/08) to celebrate Xiujun's birthday. Well, I did what I thought was normal. I whined. I made a remark, in the email, saying that they pian xing, celebrate zz's birthday but nobody wish me on mine. It was just a harmless remark, to ji siao only. But Weiqi took it seriously. (Damn they all mature so fast...till they're no longer know what fun is) She emailed back saying that it was just a gathering, to meet up and chat and blah blah blah. Well, seeingn that my hands acted faster than my brains. It started typing an email back, saying that they did not even sms me regarding the gathering. That we're different, have different backgrounds (sort of mah...they from IT I'm from Eng) and thinking different. All of them have degree, either have it or are in the process of having it. I'm always like the xiao mei that never grows up among them cause I'm still enjoying my life and such. Ok, that was thought up by me. I'm too sensitive. But well they did give me the kind of feeling that we're different. Anyway I was just whining. I love to whine. They treated it too seriously. Jac replied that we're all different, but then if I think I'm different from them then I'll forever be different. Weiqi started saying that I must be facing with some problems lately...blah blah blah. Piangz. Weiqi, think the one having problem is you, I was just making some nonsensical comments.
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