Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Finally vomitted
Yeah! I finally vomitted! This morning. I had been feeling sick for the past few days. Monday I took half day off cause I had a tummy ache but nothing seemed to come out. And when it finally did, it was so little that it hurt my tummy right after I came out from the toilet. I was also feeling nauseous the whole morning but nothing came out. I took half day on Mon and went home to sleep. Boy did I sleep. From 3pm all the way to 7pm. By 7pm I was running a fever of 38.6 degrees. Fuck. What's wrong with me. I fall sick easily these few weeks. the morning I finally vomitted. After these few days of burping and stomach churning, I finally vomit! I vomitted yesterday's dinner with lots and lots of gastric juices. *Yucks* It's so bitter! *Ptui* And now I developed a headache. Thank God there isn't much to do today in the office. Just waiting to pass today, so I can go home rest, wait for my dad to come home and then drive down to Feng's house to return him his jacket. Damn it's only 1140hrs now. ARGH! Headache's killing me. true!

I saw this little thing when I was looking for new blog skins. I realised this extract is so accurate. Isn't it sad that many people don't know how to handle Aries-ians? Let me underline those that I think best describe me.

Aries love compliments and tend to gravitate towards unrestricted, lively people. They are outgoing and active. If you plan a date with an Aries, be prepared to stay out late and have some fun, as they are filled with energy, and love excitement.

Generally, they like to think of themselves as intellectuals, therefore, the best way to excite an Aries is to approach them on a intellectual level. They are aggressive and passionate.

However, be forewarned that an Aries has a tendency to be jealous and when in love, wants quite a bit of your time, if not all of it.

They love to be asked for their advice and will give you as much time, guidance, and sympathy that you need. Their advice is usually given straight forth and without hesitation. Although they are frank and candid, an Aries will gladly share their opinions with you.

An absolute definite way to end a relationship with an Aries is to start dictating or even more so, dominating them. They hate it. In addition, never give them orders. Not only do they not take orders well, but most likely they won't even listen.

Known to be independent, the Aries will be a trustworthy, loyal and exciting partner.

Love..what's that?

When a couple is in love with each other, all the bad habits don't seemed so obvious. When both parties got used to each other, the bad habits just seemed so normal. But when the relationship starts to sour, and the love is decreasing, the bad habits seemed so hard to tolerate or accept. Everything that was so endearing when you were initially in love; his snoring, his seriousness, his everything, becomes so intolerable. His every movement and every action just seems to get on your nerves. It's weird isn't it.

Really, I envy those married couples. I mean, I can't even go through any relationship without a breakup, needless to say, marriage. Maybe I have yet to really meet the guy who can make me change myself on my own accord. Or someone to care for me or just be nice till I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Not that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with Feng. But everytime I think of marrying him, I think of him spending his nights after work, after dinner, playing games. Maple Story to be exact. And me? Either I'll be watching TV in another room, washing the dishes (I have a habit of cleaning up the mess I created...if I don't cook, I don't wash. I cook I wash. Funny habit), doing the laundry (highly impossible but it might happen), or working (goodness knows what my job would be like 5 - 6 yrs from now?). Either that or playing my games as well. Then Feng's hp would ring, his friends would drop by and asked to meet him. Most prob he would just change, tell me he'll be back soon, he's meeting XXX and I'll be home ALONE. Then comes Sat. Sat we'll spend most of the time at home nua-ing. Then going out late in the evening, say 5 - 6pm, then go home if there are no movies to catch at about 10+pm. You think it's boring? I'm leading the Saturday life now. Had led this life with him for...more than half a year? Boring ah? Mine more boring so don't complain. Oh then Sunday comes. Sunday, he'll have lunch with his family members, and he'll leave home for his Dota session. Leaving me at home ALONE again. This is what I think of when I'm thinking of marrying Feng. If there's something I can't stand, it's being alone. I've been alone all my life until now. Being an only child, it's easy being alone. BY URSELF. My dad works from morning till evening, and until recent years then did he stop his drinking. When I was in young till when I was in my teens, dad wasn't around. Never. The only times he'll be around is when he doesn't have money for booze. He would come home at 11pm or even 2am. That's my dad. I'd grew up without a dad. Not literally of course. But you get the idea.

My mom was working shift hours for as long as I can remember. Sometimes she worked in the morning, meaning I get to see her at night, which half of it she had spent calling my dad and the other half cooking my dinner and nagging at me cause she's unhappy being alone with me. Where's her husband? Out drinking with friends. When she's working afternoon shift, by the time she comes home, I'm ready for bed. And when she's working night shift...well, when I'm home she's sleeping. So I've been alone for quite a number of years. I hate being alone.

Maybe it's because of my parents that I realised I don't want to be so stupid like my mom. I don't want to spend half of my marriage life being alone at home. Being naggy cause I'm unhappy. Crying and drowning my sorrows just because my husband isn't there and thoughts are running wild. I cannot imagine my life with Feng when he reminds me of my dad. Always friends above wife. No way.

Then why did you choose him in the first place? Well, maybe some pepople are right. They said we developed too fast. I agree with that now. I mean I didn't even know him! Initially he portrayed a homely guy. Someone that I can depend on. Someone that treasures family ties more than friends and whatsoever. He really did. I fell in love with the Feng that I once knew. Not the Feng now. He was so tender and so loving, you really can't help it but love him. He was willing to give up friends initially, just to be with me. Now, he's just heck care me. He would make appointments with his friends before even asking me. He wouldn't do to me what I could do to him. But then I couldn't stand him playing games anymore. Our quarrels become more and more frequent. But I can't say that I don't love him. I still do. Maybe just not as much. Cause his actions are starting to get on my nerves. Can't stand it.

The show, Mars Vs Venus once said, a couple knows the weaknesses of each other. Therefore each of them would speak of things that would hurt the other party more just to "win". Maybe. Maybe it's true. I'm so tired of this game. Everytime I thought I had won, I had actually lost. I'm no longer the first place in his heart. Never was maybe. Maybe it was just a ruse. Fuck. I don't know. I'm placed 4th maybe? Right after his games, which are ranked 3rd, right after friends who are ranked 2nd and his family first. I hate my life. Can't wait to go China and just die there. Anyone wants tickets to Jacky Cheung's concert on 13th July? I'll sell you at $100 each tic and I have 2. I bought them at 128 each ok! Think I'll extend my stay at China for another week or 2. So I do not need to come back Singapore. Say that I'm running away from truth...or whatever. I don't care.

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