Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Biological Clock Ticking...Where For Art Thou Mr Right?!

Argh!! This is going to be a non-sensical ranting. Ehh...comments telling me to chill and telling me what is right...WILL NOT HELP!! ARGH!!

*Counts 1 - 10* primary - cum - secondary school friend, Mingli, just informed me over MSN that she is getting married. In March. -_-" Which means I've FOUR invitations this year. Michelle (poly friend) in Jan, Erin in Feb, Mingli in Mar and Vera in Sep. Please the rest of my friends....DON'T FILL IN APR - AUG. I'M NOT THAT FUCKING RICH. And please stop making me green with envy!!

Sigh. I complained to Eugene and Huiling regarding this issue. My message to them was 'Everyone's getting married but me'. That's not really true..cause not EVERYONE is getting married lah. But then, it feels so. Huiling told me that I am still young, still have alot of years...blah blah blah. No no!! Don't want to hear this!! *Shakes head* Eugene, on the other hand, knows how I feel. He replied me, 'I think I noe how it feels. its like u are out of the circle. deep down u wan to be like eveyone else... though u dun seem to care. u noe how much things i tell u wun help..relax' *Hugs Eugene tight tight* He's the worm in my stomach man...keke. OK ok...Huiling also nice nice to me...LoL. Wait she don't want go out shopping and hear me nag/complain anymore.

Sigh sigh. You know hor...I always wanted to get married since I was aged 18. I want to care for a person, to have my own house, to have my own kids (duh) and be a wife to the man I love. But after a series of Mr Wrongs...I never thought I would find the guy. Or rather...I always thought I was still young, still have lots of time to see see look look. 19 years old came...I was together with Eggie. It took me 3 long years to realise that he's not the one for me. And then I was with Kevin. Although we did have plans of getting married in 2006, we broke up on 2005. LoL. He was close to MY kind of Mr Right. Then came Feng.

Feng is stable, and puts family first (I'm not family so I'm not first). He's husband material. But then during courtship, what I want is boyfriend material!! @#$%. I'm damn confusing aren't I. OK I try to make things it's ok if he's not romantic and that the last time I received flowers from him was on Vday 2007. He's a practical guy..he buys things that I can use (although sometimes I just wished he's not that practical...and buys me useless but cute stuff to remind me of him). Thing is......he keeps telling me he no money to get married and that our relationship is not mature enough!! Kaoz! It's either he failed as a bf or I failed as a gf. Our relationship is going to 2 years liao, still no understanding there! WTF!!

*Angry and pissed* OK..I'm just ranting about not getting married. Not about our relationship. ARGH!! I so wana get married! Actually the feeling is there, the feeling of wanting to get married that is. But with the wedding invitations coming in from friends who are of same age, it actually makes me kinda worried and envy and jealous...all at the same time. It's like will I get married..will Feng still want me after a couple of years? Is Feng the one? So envy...why my friends can get married EVEN THOUGH THEY QUARREL ALOT WITH THEIR PARTNERS (hint to Feng)...why my friends' partners will take the first step to propose and everything...why Feng no action/plan/thinking yet? Does he want to get married...or worse, does he want to marry me?! ARGH!! Head is bursting le lah!! *Cries*

Think I should go hide in a hole......I so wana get married!! *ROARS*

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