Is This Job Worth It?

For the 2nd time within 2 months..I've cried in the office. The last time was in November. I don't know how much I can take before I actually break down infront of everyone. I don't believe I'm in the wrong totally.

What actually happened was one of my Denmark customer wanted to know if we will bear the charges to the customised parts that was produced specially for him. And since he took over the previous guy, he was trying to understand everything by asking me. I tried my best to answer him when he called. So he emailed me. Since I didn't know the answer, I emailed my China engineer. This morning the customer emailed me, asking if I'm willing to pay for the rejects. And it's because of this, I went in to ask my manager. Next thing I knew, I was being reprimended.

My boss asked our China engineer and told her to do the testing as according to what he asked. When he hung up, he looked at me and said," Isabelle what are you doing? Sometimes you're just so stupid! You're an engineer for goodness sake! Think like an engineer! This is a kindergarten question, do you need to drag it? Why can't you just ask me if you do not know?!"

After he finished his sentenced, I was shocked. It was as if I was slapped across the face. I felt hotness in my eyes and controlled it. Since he said don't know anything so I asked him what is AL value. I heard my manager sucked in breath and seriously, I did read the catalogue. BUT I STILL DUNO WHAT THE HECK IS AL VALUE. I'm not a genius. I need to be taught. If you're just going to throw me a book to memorise, I'm not going to understand it. I need to have examples, to touch, to deal, to learn. You sent me to China but NONE OF THE FUCKING ENGINEERS WANA TEACH. I asked Baohua, she pointed to Wangli and told me to learn from her. I asked Wangli she says she's not competent enough, told me to learn from Roger. I ask Roger, he says it's too simple, don't ask him, ask Baohua. WTF!!

Anyway I was almost crying when I asked my manager something. I guess she wanted to scold me too, but kept some back cause she can see my eyes wet wet de. I went out, called my customer and believe me, the tears just flow le. I went in, my boss talked to my customer. He asked the customer to send samples to us and I believe my customer told him that they did. My boss put down the phone and glared at me.

"Why didn't you tell me that they sent the samples already?!"
"I did! I said just now already! I even asked you if you really want them to send samples again!"
"Where are the samples?"
"Customer send direct to China."
"Is there test data"
"I'm not sure cause they send direct"

Then my manager called and asked the engineers. They did not receive the test data. Must be at QC dept. Called the QC dept. No they didn't see the test data. Must be with the engineers. (They not SGreans, but seems like they pro at tai chi). I was scolded again. Boss asked me to get the samples back to SG. And he kept repeating that this is a kindergarten question, why is it that difficult to solve? And he even mumbled that he hired a group of pigs who don't think. I'm. Seriously. Insulted.

If I'm truly an engineer, would I work here? If my knowledge on engineering stuff is that good, would I need to study degree? If I'm an engineer, why am I still handling purchase orders and shipments and order entries? And why the position stated on my namecard 'Sales Coordinator'? Why is my pay so low?

I don't know how much of these insults I can take. I know I'm not stupid. But being hurled remarks like 'stupid' and 'incompetent', I'm really starting to think I'm stupid and incompetent. Is taking a pay of $2050 worth it for all these insults?

PS: I'm with this company for almost 2 years. March will be my 2nd year in this company. My manager once told me that she hired me cause she was desperate and I was young. If the new girl didn't insist on leaving, she wouldn't hire me at all.